I have often thought that I am very good at adapting or evolving until recently that is!
I am like a wind up toy that turns its own key and walks into the same wall over and over and over and over and over and over again.
I am not sure what is more frustrating, the fact that I am the reason the same things keep happening or that I don’t do enough to change.
Currently I feel broken- at a cellular level! Hurt by childish lies and people twisting black and white comments into malicious lies- people suck yoh!!! Don’t know why this fact still surprises me!
The realm of hurt has entered my life again- which is never a good idea and the hilarious thing is people think that hurting me or lying will force me out- you don’t know me very well! Getting hurt and getting back up is kind of my thing- BUT I hit back and HARD!
I am less about the other cheek and more about giving you half a second head start before I face off against you and your issues! I think this is what is freaking me out- OTHER peoples issues and being made mine WTF- GO AWAY- I have a shit load of my own believe me!
But back to the insanity thing… I am flawed like all people- probably more so on certain levels and believe me if you could see the scars and war wounds you would be less keen to attack someone like me. My gift and curse is my HUGE heart and my ability to forgive- HOWEVER this is still REALLY hard! I am all about the love and craziness not this drama that is soul sucking…I will just kill you with kindness when I find the strength to get back up that is! But what am I doing that is leading me back to the same spot in my life?
Some of it has to do with people, situations…triggers but others I actively seek out- I actively try and recreate situations that I know will not end well- and this my friends makes me a loon! One part of me says- don’t do it and the devil on my shoulder says- but you know this…this is familiar- DO IT!
Right now- the battle is being fought…the question is…which devil will win????
I am like a wind up toy that turns its own key and walks into the same wall over and over and over and over and over and over again.
I am not sure what is more frustrating, the fact that I am the reason the same things keep happening or that I don’t do enough to change.
Currently I feel broken- at a cellular level! Hurt by childish lies and people twisting black and white comments into malicious lies- people suck yoh!!! Don’t know why this fact still surprises me!
The realm of hurt has entered my life again- which is never a good idea and the hilarious thing is people think that hurting me or lying will force me out- you don’t know me very well! Getting hurt and getting back up is kind of my thing- BUT I hit back and HARD!
I am less about the other cheek and more about giving you half a second head start before I face off against you and your issues! I think this is what is freaking me out- OTHER peoples issues and being made mine WTF- GO AWAY- I have a shit load of my own believe me!
But back to the insanity thing… I am flawed like all people- probably more so on certain levels and believe me if you could see the scars and war wounds you would be less keen to attack someone like me. My gift and curse is my HUGE heart and my ability to forgive- HOWEVER this is still REALLY hard! I am all about the love and craziness not this drama that is soul sucking…I will just kill you with kindness when I find the strength to get back up that is! But what am I doing that is leading me back to the same spot in my life?
Some of it has to do with people, situations…triggers but others I actively seek out- I actively try and recreate situations that I know will not end well- and this my friends makes me a loon! One part of me says- don’t do it and the devil on my shoulder says- but you know this…this is familiar- DO IT!
Right now- the battle is being fought…the question is…which devil will win????